


Skin Games

by PatPrecieux



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Clueless Sherlock, Frustrated John, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, My First Smut, Research
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:19:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8654011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatPrecieux/pseuds/PatPrecieux
Summary: "Talkin' 'Bout You and Me and the Games People Play"





	

**Author's Note:**

> First smut, smut-ish,idk. Hope it brings a laugh.

Sherlock set his violin down and glanced at his flatmate/lover. John looked completely relaxed,pliant,content. Good.

 

"John,we need to make the acquaintance of a young healthy circumcised man."

 

Accustomed as he was to Sherlock's outbursts,this one was worthy of the coughing fit that ensued.

 

When the good Doctor appeared to be turning an alarming shade of purple,Sherlock pounded him on the back. Not helpful.

 

"Really John,you should know better than to gulp your tea."

 

"Ta for that you tit. Now,since I obviously misunderstood what you just said to me,again please."

 

"Do pay attention this time John. I said,we need to make the aquaintance of a young healthy circumcised man."

 

The other man rolled his eyes, "As opposed to an old sickly circumcised man?"

 

Sherlock glared at him,"Don't be ridiculous John. That would defeat the whole purpose."

 

"The purpose,what....wait no don't tell me. Let me guess, research"

 

"Precisely. At least now you're following along."

 

Pursing his lips,John huffed. "Not entirely.WHAT exactly will we be researching Genius?"

 

"Not we,me. That much should be apparent.You are much too traditional to engage in...."

 

John snapped,"Engage in what Sherlock?"

 

"Comparison of my erectile response and refractory periods under exposure to visual stimuli of men with and without foreskins."

 

The Doctor snorted,but not in amusement."How stupid of me not to have grasped the concept straight away."

 

"Well I am quite fond of you,but you do have a tendency to be dreadfully slow at times."

 

"Yes let's just say I'm trying to keep up with your magnificent brain shall we? Will we,sorry,you be needing uncircumcised subjects?" 

 

Sherlock noted a decidedly grim expression."Certainly not John.I already have all the data I need in that area from you. Don't sell yourself short."

 

"Let's not make this about my height or,ah,measurements period!"

 

"Wouldn't dream of it John. Now,since we agree let's..."

 

"Who says I agree to anything, much less this? Have you suddenly developed a voyeuristic kink I don't know about? What is this desire to expose yourself to cut dicks?"

 

The younger man flushed,"No need to be crude."

 

"Me,crude? My boyfriend tells me he wants to see if the sight of another mans penis gets him off better and faster than mine,and I'm being crude!?"

 

"Not just any penis John, a surgically altered penis.As a Doctor you should find this fascinating."

 

"Fascinating would NOT be my word of choice you tosser."

 

"I fail to understand the problem. You possess the same basic equipment, yours just has it's own little jumper. Besides, curiosity is only natural."

 

John jumped up and loomed over Sherlock who was now casually sprawled on the sofa. "There is nothing natural about any of this! You listen to me Sherlock Bloody Holmes.This conversation is over right now;and if you decide to NOT abandon this absurb notion, I promise you that my "equipment " will remain snuggled in it's little jumper and you won't be seeing it anytime soon."

 

The detective opened his mouth to argue, but was silenced.

 

"Not one word Sherlock. Now,I want tea and biscuits;and if you put anything toxic in it,I'm telling Mrs.Hudson you suck your thumb in your sleep!"

 

One week later:

There had been no more talk of what John had come to refer to as "The Incident." The Doctor had held firm to his aggravation for two days until a penitent Sherlock persuaded him to forgive.Not long afterward he was divested of both his "little" jumpers.

 

Therefore,John suspected nothing amiss when he entered the flat that Friday afternoon to find a tall muscular young man sitting in the client's chair.

 

At that moment, Sherlock popped out of the kitchen."Ah,good you're home. Hunk Hogan-Dr.John Watson my flatmate. John - Hunk Hogan."

 

John couldn't resist a smile as the blonde client extended his hand. "Hunk? Like the wrestler?"

 

The kid grinned,"No, he's Hulk. Hunk is my stage name,I'm starting a career as a personal trainer on telly."

 

"Well,how can we help you?"

 

Sherlock jumped between them."Don't bother yourself John, Hunk and I have concluded our business."

 

John looked dubious, "Are you sure?"

 

The "client" grinned,"Yeah really. This whole experience has been so amazing. You know Doctor Watson there's so much steroid abuse in my field,it's quite an honor to be examined,cataloged,and declared fit, and by the great Sherlock Holmes no less."

 

"Examined?",John cleared his throat and scowled. <

"And so professional,I never felt uncomfortable for one minute."

"Glad to hear it young man. Sherlock is nothing if not professional. Aren't you Sherlock?"

 

"Of course John. Afterall, we do guarantee our clients satisfaction."

 

To be honest,John remembered nothing after that until he found himself seated in his chair,tea in hand.

 

"John,explanations are probably in order. I only placed one ad in the papers to obtain a suitable subject, and as he said, everything was above board. No touching was involved, only a brief visual assessment and Mrs.Hudson as a witness to assure there were no improprieties. All very clinical."

 

That last shook John from his stupor. "You what? Mrs.Hudson watched you do that."

 

Sherlock had the decency to blush,"God no John. She just sat outside the door should Hunk,uh Mr.Hogan have felt the need to cease our activities."

 

"Your activities? Well,if our landlady was there as chaperone,I certainly can't complain."

 

The lanky Detective was suddenly feeling less confident in the scientific value of his empirical evidence. "John there's no reason to be upset. Let me share my conclusions."

 

Strangely,John smiled."I'm not upset luv. Glad your experiment was a success,and he seemed a nice young man."

 

Sherlock found himself unsure of what to do next. "Ah,yes, he was quite..are you sure you're not angry?"

 

John finished his tea and got up to give his lover a kiss on the cheek. "Not a bit. Now, I'm starving. Chinese or curry?"

 

Sherlock hated when John was cross with him, but at the moment he would have welcomed some shouting. The Doctor had actually been jovial during dinner with one exception. He refused to discuss the events of the afternoon,continuing to assure his boyfriend that it was 'All Fine'. The younger man was nearly desperate to tell John how unaffected he was by the muscle boy, but John seemed only to want his laptop and crap telly.

 

At last,fully expecting to be exiled from their bed,he was shocked to be snogged,spooned and cuddled into a fitful sleep.

 

The next morning saw a cheerful John off to the shops and Sherlock to the Yard for a ton of backlogged paperwork. Returning to the flat late afternoon,he was startled to hear laughter coming from up the seventeen stairs, female laughter. Hmm,"Hudders",he thought. But then a raucous guffaw like a bullhorn burst through the air. "Not Hudders then."

 

Long legs dashed up the stairs followed by long fingers wrenching the knob and pushing through the door. Stumbling in his haste, Sherlock literally fell into the room AND the woman standing behind the door, promptly faceplanting into the largest pair of breasts Sherlock had ever seen.

 

"Well hello to you too ducks,and here I thought Johnny was affectionate. Good thing The Girls here were able to break your fall. Wouldn't do to go arse over teacups on my first visit here."

 

John stepped forward smirking,"Sorry,he's usually more verbal than this. Allow me,Boom Boom Divine-Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes-Boom Boom Divine."

 

Sherlock was dumbstruck as he tried to deduce the woman in HIS flat. Hair,eyes,height all similar to his, but Christ on a crutch, those breasts! "Stripper certainly, exotic dancer possibly, endowments NOT of a surgical nature", he blurted out."

 

"Sherlock,bit not good," John scolded.

 

"Oh don't be hard on him Johnny. 'Sides what else is he meant to see me as? A dental hygienist? Jesus,one of these fall in a patient's mouth while it's packed open, the poor bastard would suffocate before I could put it back in me smock."

 

Her guffaws filled the entire flat. Sherlock felt faint, and John was considering if it was possible to suffer a laughter induced stroke."

 

A bordering on creepy Deja vu conversation occurred between the trio: do for you? business finished? so professional. "Surely, Sherlock thought,"I've fallen through a worm hole and none of this is real."

 

There was a roaring in the younger man's ears that he finally recognized as Boom Boom's whiskey voice.

 

"Right then Johnny,I'll be on me way. You need to do any more investigating,just give me a shout." With that she flounced over to John and gave him a great smacking kiss right on the mouth leaving a huge lipstick print in an obscene shade of pink on the shorter man's chin. Then to Sherlock's horror, she pulled him down into a crushing hug once again burying his nose in her lavender scented cleavage. 

 

"Been a lovely afternoon Johnny, you surely know how to show a girl a good time." And just like a hurricane, she was gone.

 

John sat down with a smug,satisfied smile."Quite a woman, glad you got back in time to meet her. The things that girl can do". 

 

It was as if Sherlock had been slapped. "John Hamish Watson, what was that,that person doing in our home?"

 

John gave him an indulgent look,"Nothing really Sherlock.It's just that yesterday got me to thinking how unreasonable I was being about your research on the penis. It is interesting, and afterall it IS just a piece of skin."

 

Sherlock looked scandalized." Just a piece of skin? What has that to do with anything? What are you on about?!"

 

"Well,I know how much you love to collect data on everything,so I decided to do my own research on my penile response to your magnificent but admittedly flat chest as opposed to the spectacular bosoms of Boom Boom Divine."

 

Sherlock's face fell, and he was sure his heart shattered. He drew a deep breath and choked out,"And you have found me lacking."

 

John smoothed his jumper and walked over to the detective. "I must admit,Sherlock,I find you many things. Maddening, frustrating, at times spoiled,childish,at other times brilliant; but one thing I have never found you to be is lacking, in any area."

 

"But John, I don't understand. If you are content, why the woman and the research?"

 

There were many things John Watson could be with Sherlock Holmes; playful, stern, loyal, loving, reproachful, but cruel was not one of them.

 

The laughter bubbled up from his toes until he trembled with it. "Come over here you twat and sit by me." He waited until the man-child was settled."There was no research. Ms.Divine really is a client, searching for her runaway husband as it happens."

 

Sherlock looked skeptical,"And she just happened to show up here today of all days?"

 

"All this research on your part has dulled your deductive skills. No, her being here today was no accident. The reason I was online so long last night was to search your potential clients for someone who met my immediate needs."

 

Sherlock jumped to his feet. "That need being breasts!",he hissed.

 

Pulling the younger man back down to his seat,John continued. "That need being to show you that no matter how big an arse you can be, that even if you are obnoxious, insufferable or Jesus knows what else, I will always love you. You're a raving maniac, but you're my raving maniac. Now kiss me Sherlock Holmes."

 

Quite a while later,when their lips were numb,"John,one thing. Even if today was a hoax, why weren't you angry about Hunk?"

 

"Let me tell you now brat, I wasn't happy; but as you're so fond of saying,'You see but you do not observe.' Lock I've seen you in every conceivable state of sexual excitement. Did you really think I couldn't tell that your little exercise did nothing for you? And making poor Hudders sit outside the door."

 

"She had no clue.I told her it was rather like being a nurses aide. Except outside the room,and having no training. Otherwise perfectly normal."

 

John swallowed a giggling hiccup. "So your conclusions Mr.Holmes concerning your research?"

 

"As you so intelligently surmised Doctor, it's just bits of skin. There, not there, male, female - all just skin. I have learned a valuable lesson John. The only skin I'm interested in is on your bones."

 

This time John HAD to laugh, "Then I shall endeavor to keep my skin on my bones."

 

"You're making fun of me," he pouted.

 

John kissed him again."No,actually for you, that was really quite romantic, Lock."

 

Sherlock looked contrite. "I don't know why I did it John, but I'm sorry. It feels as if I was playing a dangerous game all over a piece of skin, and I won't do it again. I promise."

 

John's eyes twinkled as he ruffled Sherlock's curls. "I don't know if I want that promise from you Lock." He took the detective's hand and began pulling him towards their bedroom.

 

"Tell me My John, why you wouldn't want that promise."

 

"Because, you beautiful man, I can think of a good many "Skin Games" that we can play TOGETHER, and I intend to teach you every single one of them. And THAT'S a promise."

**Author's Note:**

> Still unsure about choosing ratings. Let me know if I guessed wrong. If you want to stay in the game, and I do, you need to play by the rules.


End file.
